December 10, 2008

A THEORY ON THE RAPS WOES: THE CURSE OF NO-SWIRSK

With the Raps losing five in a row and struggling to compete, I am reminded that they sorely miss the creative play-by-play calling of Chuck Swirsky, who moved on to do radio commentary for the Chicago Bulls at the start of the season. Now, we've all heard 18 Parkerville Court, oh my Bosh and another MP3 download (#3 Mo Peete when he was with the Raps), which we at HoopHeadsNorth affectionately call “Swirsky-isms”, from season's past. Let's take a moment and venture into a parallel universe, where the Raps are leading the league, have a 20 game winning streak going and the Swirsk is calling the Raps game versus the Pacers tonight. What would we hear him say? Hmmm...




10 - “What a block by the Raptor's Jermaine man in the middle!”

9 - “Oooh! Calderon! Numero ochoooooooo mama what a pass by Jose!”

8 - “Joey throws down a Graham slam!”

7 - “A-B-7! It's as easy as 1-2-3, Do re mi, Bargnani with another threeahhhballlzzaahhh like the meeeattaballlzahh!”

6 - “And 1 for Moon! Granger picks up the foul going for the block, but its-a 33, Jamario! - (in a super mario voice – Swirsk had pizza tonight and seems to be riding out the Italian theme)

5 - “J-Kap caps another one! Quick on the trigga coming off a CB-4 screen!” (Swirsk has been brushing up on his gangsta rap)

4 - “Hassan Adams! Leo, I'm gonna need a SAM Adams after that move!”

3 - “Everybody, do the Humphries hump, watch #43 do the humphries hump! People say “Yo Humphries! You're real funny-lookin'. That's aiight 'cause he gets things cookin'” (Apparently, he's been brushing up on his early 90's hip hop as well. Digital Underground WHAT!)

2 - “Roko with the slam over Rasho! He will, he will Roko U, Indiana! Raps routing the Pacers!”
(Roko throwing it down over Rasho?!? Rout for the Raps?!? Remember, parallel universe. On that note, Ukic also went through the legs and 360'ed before his dunk. Cut to Brian Colangelo by the tunnel SMILING.)

1 - “Will Solomon Grundy sinks a shot on a Wednesday bring on the Nets on a Friday! It's salami and cheese time Leo!”

Swirsk also said, “Oh my Bosh!” about 50 times on this night, as the crowd chanted M-V-P! M-V-P on multiple occasions...

If each Raptor fan chants all ten of these once, maybe just maybe, the Curse of No-Swirsk will be lifted and the Raps can begin the turn around tonight against the Pacers and beyond. May reality collide with this parallel universe. Strength and honour!

1 comments:

Anonymous,  December 10, 2008 at 7:13 PM  

one thing you could always count on Chuck for is that even if the Raptors are losing, you can count on hearing half of these anyways.

he was the greatest cheerleader we ever had. and that isn't a bad thing.

(better than trying to pick apart what's wrong and making blatant contradictions)

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